2010-09-05T15:11:00.001-07:00

"An evening gown that reveals a woman's ankles when she is walking is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." - Valentino

2009-10-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

". . .put diamonds on the crotch and you're home free" - Bob Mackie

2009-08-16T10:28:00.001-07:00

"Barbie's perpetually doing the Walk of Shame... she has no underpants and only one shoe." - boobarella

Pre-Drive Texting about Tom-Tom voices:

2009-06-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

"The voice is Mandy. Dave sounded like a smug bastard" - Wingal

"I want to hear Dave b/c he might be good if we are men bashing." - boobarella

"There's also a voice named Dick... er, Richard." - Wingal

"Dick! Yes!" - boobarella

"He's very computery." - Wingal

"Blah, I want Ricardo Montalban." - boobarella

"That might cause lots of accidents for, um, distracted female drivers." - Wingal

"Can you imagine: 'my darling, take a left in about, say, 300 feet." - boobarella

**drives off road** - Wingal

"'My darling, you seemed to have changed routes, let me recalculate for you while you regain your composure.'" - boobarella

2009-06-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

"Boobarella... Do you have to pee?" - improvised Tom-Tom voice

"Ooo, Perkins... they have Mammoth Muffins." - Wingal

"So do I." - boobarella

"I've got sugar between my thighs!" - Wingal

"Am I gonna let you lean over me, put your tits in my face, and move it? NO!" - boobarella to Wingal

"I love how there are crackers and wrappers all over the floor." - boobarella

"Crackers and Rappers?" - Wingal

"Hey, I can swallow it... it's not a taste issue, it's a texture issue." - Wingal (on pasta)

"I paid for my whore... I flew her in, I put her up, I'm gonna feed her ass... she is MINE." - Wingal re: boobarella

"He's a tool. He's an awl. You know... one of those tools everyone has but nobody knows what it's for?" - boobarella

"Then we can turn her on and take her back to the motel." - re: Mandy the Tom-Tom voice

"You know you want to belong to the Church of Fried Chicken." - Wingal

"Yes... because the offering comes in Crispy or Original Recipe." - boobarella

"I'm just a tubby white girl from Upstate New York with no rhythm and who can apparently kill Mothra." - boobarella

"That should be on your resume." - Wingal

"If I get on-campus housing, you are NOT peeing in the woods... you're gonna use indoor plumbing and you're gonna like it." - Wingal

2009-06-19T22:03:00.001-07:00

"I mostly am enjoying thinking about how we would raise OUR daughter... and how we and she would have to explain the unusual nature of our mommyhood" – Wingal

"I would go with you if I could. paps + boobarella = AWESOME." – boobarella

Jenny: "How do I say, 'Oh, are you having a barbecue?' but make it sound like, 'Oh, are you having a barbecue?'?"

Wingal: "Jenny, I'm afraid I need to inform you that Pepto Bismol does not actually sponsor an educational facility, for men OR women..."

Jenny: "All my friends have kids with weird-ass names." Wingal: "I want to give my kid a weird-ass name." Jenny: "What would you name your kid?" Wingal: "Weird Ass Name." Jenny: "W. A. N.? Wan? Like he's Chinese?" Wingal: "Chinese?" Jenny: "Well, or a Jedi."

"It's like I've opened up my Pandora's box of sexy!" – Wingal

"I've got on my new 34F and, much like McDonald's, I'm lovin' it." – Wingal

"Remind me later, I have a twenty in my left tit." – boobarella

Chef: "What were you rolling in?" Wingal: "Gasoline." boobarella: "She thought it would get the smell of our unholy love off of her."

"Seriously, I would stroke out if that were my bikini line." – boobarella

"Everybody's trying to get into my lap." – boobarella

"This is a quadrangle of a cluserfuck" – Kris

boobarella: "Yeah, I dropped blueberry yogurt down my shirt this morning." Wingal: "Ooo, so now they're TASTY!"

Wingal: "You are my hero." boobarella: "Your naked hero."

"Yeah, not that the topic normally comes up in conversation, like 'oh hey did I tell you, I'm really into anal these days'. "- boobarella

"I have a candle that smells like a guy I dated, but I can't remember who. . . line them up & let me sniff." – boobarella

"I think Kevin's made brownies with me before." - boobarella "Who hasn't made brownies with you? It's like a euphemism!" - Wingal

[Re: boobarella's ego] "But you put up with mine... because you know that mine, in the middle, is soft and broken." – boobarella

"You are not retarded in any position" - boobarella to Wingal

"You're just a funny, twitchy little guy." Raphael's new friend Andy about Raphael

[A hypothesized Star Wars conversation:] "'Why did you go to the Dark Side?' 'Because they give better hand-jobs.'" – boobarella

"Steak and Shake? That's the only kind of counseling I can afford!!" - boobarella

"I'm like the boy who cried 'Wolf!,' except I'm crying, 'boobarella's CRAZY!' and no one will believe me!" – Wingal

"Red sky at night, sailors delight. Red Dawn in the morning, poor box office returns in the late afternoon...wait, that's not how it goes is it?" – boobarella

"You can smack my ass and call me 'Smeagol'." - A suggested line form the imagined job letter of Dr. Uberchildren

"Is there going to be making out? Call me in the middle of it... let me know how it's going." – Jenny

"I know some chicks may like that shit, but it really just makes me feel like I woke up in a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical and it's my cue to sing." - Wingal (re: compliments)

"Dude, if I had a midget I don't know if I would be online right now...." – boobarella

"I enjoy that we're sitting here giving each other wood." - boobarella to Wingal (re: Facebook farming)

boobarella: "I wonder if I would have a big penin?" Wingal: "Considering the Girls, I'd say you would challenge the mighty Walrus."

Garth: "You have a mustermuck and a clustermuck. A mustermuck is when everyone musters together and then mucks around." Kim: "What's a clustermuck?" Garth: "It's a...well, I guess it's a different technique."

"It’s not that you’re unacceptable, it’s that we’re embarrassed by you." - Wingal to boobarella

"On that note, I'm going to go back to watching Will Wheaton torture a couple." – Wingal

"By all means, make getting me laid your quest... just don't make it your facebook status." – Wingal

"Finally! I can start my drag review!" – Ryan

boobarella: "You can be the girl in the bikini." Wingal: "Does that make you Jesus?"

"Lord knows I have some weird taste--[content removed by the FCC]--but I've never thought of Christmas music as 'sexy'." –boobarella

"If you don't mind me asking, is that going to be enough for 4 days? - Dustin @ Bully Hill

"I'm wearing my khakis and my white shirt but my head is going crazy! There's black, there's red, there's green. There's naked ladies everywhere." – Raphael

"That means I would have to prostitute myself to avoid buying you shoes!" -Wingal, to Jenny

"If you had a boyfriend, you would say, 'Screw you! I'm going out with my friends!' If I had a boyfriend, I would say, 'Screw you, THEN I'm going out with my friends!'" – Jenny

"Wingal the Happy Virgin Princess - it's like Pokemon except there's no poke." – Jenny

"And there's no mon, either." – Wingal

"Can I say 'mamasita!!!' when I am excited?" - Raphael

"Have a potato, have a beer, do a little dance, do a little cheer." – Wingal

"Jesus would be yakking." - Tyler, on the general state of things

". . .then you push the pee-pees out!" – boobarella

"I love how every four years I become an expert in gymnastics." - Wingal

Midnight Margaritas Quotes

Pre-Drive Texting about Tom-Tom voices: